Trump nominating Twitter Buffoon/Self-Styled Alpha Male Nick Adams Ambassador to Malaysia Gives Me an Excuse to Rerun This Piece on Him
One of the funniest Twitter accounts does not belong to a comedian, comedy writer, or improviser, but rather to an Australian immigrant turned MAGA super-patriot named Nick Adams.
In his Twitter bio, Adams brags about being an Alpha Male, yet in a tweet from several minutes ago, he boasts, “Alphas don't need to announce they are alphas, everyone just knows.”
Adams didn’t just tweet that. He re-tweeted himself, which means that he twice tweeted that alpha males like himself don’t need to tell people that they’re alpha males in a post where he’s telling people that he’s an alpha male.
If everyone knows that alpha males are alpha males and alpha males consequently never need to announce themselves as such, then why does Adams CONTINUOUSLY assert his alpha male status?
Today alone, Adams tweeted , “When you’re an alpha male, every meal should be a feast” and “I was just named Alpha Male of the Year and I'm endorsing Herschel Walker for US Senate.”
He also re-tweeted a tweet from yesterday of his beefy visage on a fake Time magazine cover under the words, “Alpha Male of the Year” boasting, “MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT
“I'm honored to have been named Time's Alpha Male of the Year. I take this distinction seriously and am more motivated than ever to continue promoting Alpha Male values to the young men of America.”
What are Alpha Male values? In another tweet from today (he tweets a LOT), he sneers digitally, “Hooters with the boys. Bibles in hand. Fortnite controllers in the trash. They hate this.”
Hooters figures prominently in Adams’ Twitter feed as a marker of alpha manhood. He recently posted an image of an uncomfortable-looking department store Santa surrounded by Hooters waitresses with the caption “Santa is an Alpha Male.”
In his caveman moral universe, men eat meat, look at boobs, worship Donald Trump and are obscenely grateful for the dozen or so third rate celebrities who share Adams’ far right wing political beliefs.
In another tweet from just today (the man’s feed is a gold mine of possibly accidental hilarity) he gushed, “America lost its leading lady yesterday. RIP Kirstie Alley.”
Adams combines his love for Trump and corny obsession with alpha maleness when he brags, “The American people have zero interest in President Trump’s tax returns. All those documents contain is confirmation that The President is a wildly successful Alpha Male.”
In Adams’ version of a haiku, he tweets of the essentials of a good life,
“Put down the TikTok.
Throw away the soy, almond, and oat milk
Put down the Fortnite controller.
Eat a steak.
Read the Bible.
Pump some iron.
Go to Hooters with the boys.
Stay away from Starbucks.
Stand with President Trump.
Never apologize for being an Alpha Male.”
If Adams’ Twitter feed and persona are an elaborate goof parodying the fragile masculinity and macho posturing of Trump’s worshippers, then it is absolutely brilliant.
I legitimately laughed out loud repeatedly looking at Adams’ Twitter for this piece. The man’s shtick is so comically over-the-top and ridiculous that it has got to be tongue-in-cheek and ironic on some level. No ONE could actually be that much of an oblivious cartoon.
Is Adams for real? I can’t imagine that he is, but he’s got a lucrative grift, so I can’t imagine him abandoning it any time soon, just to appeal to us soy-loving, Starbucks-digging, Fortnite-paying beta males.
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