Adventures of Pluto Nash and 13 Other Critically Maligned Flops That Bombed Because They Fucking Suck
Movies flop for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes good movies are badly or misleadingly marketed. Other future cult films are simply ahead of their time. Sometimes a movie will be too weird and offbeat to catch on with a big mainstream audience at the time of its release but just weird and offbeat enough for cult immortality.
Most movies flop, however, for a much more predictable, predictable and legitimate reason: they fucking suck. Here are 14 such stinkeroos.
1. From Justin to Kelly
From Justin To Kelly was hamstrung by inexperienced stars with zero chemistry and even less experience in Justin Guarani and Kelly Clarkson but what really killed the quickie American Idol spin-off was its overwhelming, unforgivable shittiness.
2. Catwoman
Halle Berry picked up a Razzie for Catwoman because the movie is a flaming bag of rancid horse feces and everyone involved should be ashamed of themselves.
3. The Hottie and the Nottie
The only thing keeping The Hottie and the Nottie from being a breakout vehicle for heiress turned reality star turned actress Paris Hilton was it being pure shite.
4. Battlefield Earth
Star and producer John Travolta saw Battlefield Earth as a contemporary Star Wars that would help spread the gospel of Scientology. Unfortunately it sucked giant donkey dick and sent its star’s previously charmed career straight into the shitter.
5. Chill Factor
If you’re assembling a list of movies that blow chunks the insanely gimmicky 1998 Speed knockoff Chill Factor, featuring the instantly forgettable team of Skeet Ulrich and Cuba Gooding Jr., belongs on it.
6. Green Lantern
Green Lantern did not fare as well with critics and audiences as star Ryan Reynolds’ later superhero efforts Deadpool and Deadpool 2 on account of it being terrible.
7. Monster Trucks
What child could possibly resist a Hollywood movies about trucks that are literally monsters? Pretty much all of them apparently, on account of Monster Trucks being a Cancerous boil on the face of children’s entertainment.
8. Sahara
Controversy involving Sahara author Clive Cussler’s anti-Semitism may have hurt it at the box office and with critics, but not as much as its almost inconceivable suckitude did.
9. Town and Country
The muddled 2001 sex comedy Town and Country fell short of star Warren Beatty’s usual high standards in that it was unwatchable dog shit.
10. Cats
Whether you love laughing at the infamous 2019 flop Cats or find it boring and unwatchable everyone can agree that the film adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s long-running musical is a stupid piece of shit.
11. Movie 43
The Peter Farrelly-produced gross out comedy Movie 43 set out to be a raunchy, star-studded contemporary Kentucky Fried Movie. Instead it was so terrible that it made audiences want to stab themselves in the eyeballs with a rusty steak knife.
12. Sucker Punch
Some critics have argued that Sucker Punch is a misunderstood feminist allegory about the dangers of dehumanizing women in pop culture and real life. These people are wrong and should shut the fuck up.
13. Ballistics: Ecks Vs. Severs
Ballistics: Ecks Vs. Severs’ confusing, uniquely unappealing title undoubtedly hurt it at the box-office, but not as much as being unwatchable horse shit did.
14. The Adventures of Pluto Nash
Eddie Murphy rocketed to superstardom in the 1980s thanks to Saturday Night Live and an impressive run of hits that included 48 Hours, Trading Places, Beverly Hills Cop, Beverly Hills Cop 2 and Coming to America only to stumble due to the comedy superstar’s Achille’s Heel: a fatal weakness to making singularly appalling duds like The Adventures of Pluto Nash. Jesus Christ was that movie ever awful! That’s why it deserved to fail like every other movie on this very useful list of bombs with terrible reputations that you should stay away.
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