I had high hopes for The Onion Movie. They were not realized.
Read MoreNicolas Cage, Jon Lovitz and Dana Carvey are a trio to forget in the rightfully reviled 1994 Christmas flop Trapped in Paradise.
Read MoreWhat's it like to watch a lighthearted Bill Cosby family movie in 2017? Really fucking weird, and expectedly and unexpectedly sad and dark.
Read MoreOh John Travolta, how come you make so many bad movies?
Read MoreRichard Kelly was right. The future HAS proven more futuristic than scientists predicted.
Read MoreIn a desperate bid to stay on the air Baywatch Nights turned into an X-Files clone in its second season.
It did not go well.
Read MoreVinnie Barbarino and Blosson’s brother defeat the problem of crack in inner city Miami in Chains of Gold, a ridiculous, casually racist vanity project co-written by Travolta, his only screenwriting credit to date.
Read MoreBaywatch spent thirteen years in Development Hell so that it could give audiences two hours of cinematic Heaven. Nah, it's fucking garbage that won't even make your penis sneeze.
Read MoreI finally tackle one of the biggest all-time flops, Peter Hyams’ disastrous, almost impressively inept 2005 adaptation of Ray Bradbury’s A Sound of Thunder starring a woefully miscast Edward Burns as a Big Deal Scientist and Ben Kingsley as a capitalist anti-Christ with a thick mane of snow-white hair.
Read MoreNicolas Cage re-teamed with Bringing Out the Dead screenwriter Paul Schrader for the muddled 2014 psychodrama The Dying of the Light, which sucks in a different way than most of Cage’s vehicles from this period, but it still sucks.
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