I Thought I Found the Single Logical Inconsistency in the Q Conspiracy but I Was Wrong

Like all patriotic Americans, I am a die-hard believer in Q. To use a colloquialism, I am red-pilled to the gills. 

Q just plain makes sense. Of COURSE Donald Trump is secretly leading a righteous crusade against a sinister cabal made up of pedophilic Satanic cannibals made up of powerful figures in entertainment in the entertainment business and Democratic politics. How could that not be the true? 

The more you think about Q, the more sense it makes. Occam’s Razor states simply and unmistakably that our problems must all be rooted in a sinister cabal of cannibalistic, child-raping Democrats and Hollywood bigwigs. 

It might seem just a little implausible that Trump, a seventy-eight year old man who eats only fast food and thinks that exercise is unhealthy and is seemingly incapable of discretion, self-discipline and self-control, would keep his messianic true identity a zealously guarded secret known only by a coterie of patriots like myself, who are free-thinkers with excellent judgment, and a keen grasp on reality. I’m talking about people like me, the Q Shaman, Roseanne Barr and Marjorie Taylor Greene before she sold out. 

Trump is notorious for boasting endlessly and shamelessly about all of the things that he has accomplished. He even boasts endlessly and shamelessly about things he didn’t do or that his political enemies did instead. 

Why, then, would Trump never mention publicly even once, that his achievements include personally freeing hundreds of thousands, if not millions of sex trafficked children from becoming Tom Hanks’ after-dinner snack? Why doesn’t he ever mention that his opponents aren’t just stupid and corrupt and dumb, as he insists constantly, but also guilty of unthinkable crimes against children? 

Uh, I dunno, maybe so that the Deep State won’t wake up to his heroism and he can continue to do great things that nobody other than people who seem mentally ill and utterly deluded know about. 

Granted, Donald Trump does not seem terribly modest. It would not be an exaggeration to say that of all of the presidents we’ve had since George Washington, he is actually the least modest commander in chief, a group made up exclusively of people who feel they should be the most powerful person in the world. 

You might wonder, for example, why, during the presidential debate, Trump did not play the “I’m saving children from being raped and eaten by a sinister cadre of cannibalistic Satanists with strong ties to Hillary Clinton while my opponent is an enthusiast member of the sinsiter cadre of canniblistic Satanists raping and eating children” card and then have Kamala Harris arrested onstage for her crimes againsty humanity?

That’s a good question. You might also ask why he didn’t play the Frazzledrip video, which the Anti-Defamation League’s website describes as “a rumored dark web snuff film showing Hillary Clinton and longtime aide Huma Abedin sexually assaulting and murdering a young girl, drinking her blood and taking turns wearing the skin from her face as a mask. The video was allegedly discovered on former Congressman Anthony Weiner's laptop (Weiner is Abedin's ex-husband) in a folder labeled "life insurance," and police officers who've reportedly seen it were so horrified that they were driven to suicide. Conspiracy theorists have pointed to the video, which does not actually exist, to support long-standing conspiracy theories that politicians, celebrities and other "elites" sexually abuse children and consume their remains.”

First off, I object to the ADL saying that the video does not exist. It does exist, and I have seen it. It is some rough stuff. Okay, I haven’t seen it but I know somebody who has. Okay, actually I don’t know somebody who has seen it but I read about it online and it seems, if anything, too plausible. 

I’m sure that Trump had advisors counseling him to lead with something like, “I save the children, you rape and eat babies” but he’s not going to give the game away so easily. There’s a reason it’s a secret war. That’s because you’re not supposed to know about it. 

Trump similarly seems incapable of remaining on message or exercising anything in the way of self-restraint or self-control. If he Trump cannot keep himself from calling Kamala Harris and Joe Biden “dumb” and “low IQ” and endlessly re-litigating the 2020 presidential election in a way that suggests he has a pathological, deeply unhealthy and borderline psychotic obsession with failure, then how can he refrain from ever mentioning, even once, his most impressive achievement: bringing down an evil cabal of Satanic, cannibalistic kiddy diddlers? 

A year or two back I became briefly obsessed with a weirdly ubiquitous meme pairing a pair of images of Rowan Atkinson looking alternately foolish in his Mr. Bean garb and smart with a snappy outfit and stern expression accompanied by the priceless advice, “Act Like a Fool, Think Like a Brilliant.” 

The idea is to trick people into underestimating you by behaving like a buffoon and then secretly being a genius. 

That is Trump in a nutshell. 

Despite my fierce Q convictions, I will be the first to concede that on the surface Trump might seem petty and vain, ignorant and bullying, xenophobic and hateful, devoid of empathy or dignity, racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic and anti-semitic, childish, immature, vengeful, deluded, narcissistic, arrogant, out of touch with reality, amoral to the point of being sociopathic, disrespectful, cruel, stupid and deeply contemptuous of the values our nation was founded upon. 

Trump is able to work behind the scenes to save the children precisely because nobody thinks that someone who appears to be such a bloated, worthless sack of shit could be accomplishing miracles in secret.  

So while it might seem like there may be a single logical flaw in the Q conspiracy that’s not actually the case. 

Trust the plan, patriots, and NEVER doubt The Man.