I Asked For Help. You Gave It. Thank You

As a protective measure, I try to have low expectations. That way when things inevitably don’t work out the way I’d like I’m disappointed but I'm not necessarily surprised.  

As I’ve gotten older that protective pessimism morphed into something darker and more despairing. These days I don’t expect things to work out the way I’d like. I don’t expect to win. In fact, I expect to fail in everything that I do. 

I’d like to think that this all-encompassing pessimism makes life’s myriad failures easier to bear but the sad fact of the matter is that it doesn’t matter how you try to prepare yourself; rejection fucking sucks all the same. It still hurts. It’s still painful. But I have discovered that treating rejection as an inevitability rather than a shock or a surprise makes life’s never-ending obstacles survivable. 

So whenever I make an appeal to my readers I hope for the best and expect the worst. 

That was my mindset this last Wednesday when I published a blog post entitled “I Need Your Help.” 

It was the latest entry in a series of blog posts about how I am NOT doing well. I’m struggling! Things are tough right now! I’m going through some shit!

Of course I am always struggling. That’s been a theme of this blog since it began a little over six long years ago. Even under the best of circumstances my life is difficult but these last few months have been particularly brutal.

It began with having my remaining teeth violently removed and replaced with an exceedingly expensive chunk of plastic. That was awful! It was literally agonizing. I had a mouth full of blood for much of that afternoon and the pain and discomfort was intense! 

That was almost two months ago and I am still very much recovering from the whole experience. Getting dentures at forty-six exacerbated my depression and anxiety and the tremendous cost only confirms my fear that I will never get out of debt and will die in an unmarked grave in a pauper’s field. 

Depression has been kicking my ass so I’ve been trying to write my way through and out of one of the biggest existential funks of my adult life but it’s been tough! 

I took a mental health break not too long ago and was very reassured by the reception that got from readers. There’s always some part of me that thinks that if I write about struggling or being broke or being depressed people are going to respond by lashing out at me for being self-pitying or whining or complaining about my problems instead of following in the footsteps of my Midwestern ancestors and swallowing all of my rage and sadness and dying young and unfulfilled but stoic to the end. 

I’m still way behind on work, particularly since I decided to make my life and career so much harder by writing a book that involves watching and writing up THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE MOVIES and has a deadline looming. 

But I was tremendously encouraged by commenters who said that I should take all the time that I need and that they would be waiting for me when I came back. 

I was similarly enthused when I posted my blog post seeking help and readers responded with compassion, generosity and empathy instead of judgment. 

I asked for concrete help in getting through a particularly difficult time in my life and career and readers responded with life-affirming kindness. 

I was worried that my public appeal would be an out and out failure, that it would not get any response at all and I would feel vulnerable and pathetic for nakedly asking the public for help in keeping my career going and receive only the stony silence of the grave from an apathetic public. 

That did not happen, thankfully. My blog was not ignored, politely or otherwise. People took concrete steps to help. I got a much needed and appreciated rush of new Nathan Rabin’s Happy Place patrons for the first time in forever along with a nice uptick in my Substack subscriptions, paid and otherwise. 

Some kind souls even sent me hundreds of dollars just because they like my writing and feel for me as a man, a writer and a dad. 

I’ve still got a long way to go. I’d love to get at least a part time job for the sake of stability and security and I feel like I have a lot to offer at this stage of my career and life has taught me humility and perspective. 

I feel like publishing that blog post marked the first step in a new direction for my life and my career. I’ve spent the last six years trying to make this website special, unique and essential. On a creative level I feel like I have succeeded. On a professional and economic level I feel like I have failed. 

I can’t do it on my own. I never could. I’ve needed people and help but people and asking for help have historically both scared the shit out of me. 

The first two jobs I’m going to apply for are film critic for The New York Times and social media editor for The Harlem Globetrotters. I’m obviously not going to get either job but I’d like to throw my hat into the ring all the same. 

I’ve been so terrified of failing and being rejected that I’ve been reluctant to even try in the past but I no longer have that luxury. I paradoxically owe it to myself and to my family to start getting rejected a LOT more regularly because that will in turn mean that I’m putting myself out there. 

My dream is still to make enough money from this website, and my Substack newsletter, and my podcast, and the eight books I’ve written, to be able to afford a modest but comfortable life for me and my family. But that’s not looking possible right now so I am going to do everything I can to build the secure, stable career that I want but that has always eluded me. 

Check out The Joy of Trash: Flaming Garbage Fire Extended Edition at https://www.nathanrabin.com/shop and get a free, signed "Weird Al” Yankovic-themed coloring book for free! Just 18.75, shipping and taxes included! Or, for just 25 dollars, you can get a hardcover “Joy of Positivity 2: The New Batch” edition signed (by Felipe and myself) and numbered (to 50) copy with a hand-written recommendation from me within its pages. It’s truly a one-of-a-kind collectible!

I’ve also written multiple versions of my many books about “Weird Al” Yankovic that you can buy here:  https://www.nathanrabin.com/shop 

Or you can buy The Joy of Trash from Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/Joy-Trash-Nathan-Definitive-Everything/dp/B09NR9NTB4/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr= but why would you want to do that? 

Check out my new Substack at https://nathanrabin.substack.com/

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