Morrissey, Big Baby

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If you had told me back in 1994, when Morrissey and The Smiths were among my very favorite artists and The Simpsons was easily my all-time favorite television show, that in 2021 Matt Groening’s billion dollar baby would be doing a Morrissey episode and I would have zero interest in watching it I probably would not have believed you. 

I also would have probably found it VERY unlikely that even a show as popular and influential as The Simpsons would stay on the air for over three decades, with no end in sight. Wouldn’t it run out of inspiration at some point?

Yet on Sunday The Simpsons aired an episode called “Panic on the Streets of Springfield, which depicts the character of Quilloughby, former lead singer of The Snuffs, as cynical, racist, a hypocrite and overweight.

Morrissey’s Official Facebook page poignantly posted an image promoting the then-upcoming episode with the hopeful words, “THE SIMPSONS CELEBRATE THE SNUFFS.” 

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In a shocking turn of events, however, the long-running animated satire depicted the disgraced, widely reviled, increasingly Fascist has-been in a satirical rather than reverent fashion. 

The Simpsons did not treat Morrissey as he wants, or rather angrily demands to be treated—as a poet and a philosopher and icon—but rather as he actually is: bitter and sad and angry, a far cry from the man he once was. 

Morrissey’s Facebook account inexplicably did not delete the post directing fans to an episode of The Simpsons that would undoubtedly depict the former Smiths frontman in a flattering light. 

But that post was followed by one in which Morrissey’s manager Peter Katsis graciously threw a temper tantrum/self-pity party for his client, whining, “Sadly, The Simpson’s show started out creating great insight into the modern cultural experience, but has since degenerated to trying to capitalize on cheap controversy and expounding on vicious rumors,” and  “when a show stoops so low to use harshly hateful tactics like showing the Morrissey character with his belly hanging out of his shirt (when he has never looked like that at any point in his career) makes you wonder who the real hurtful, racist group is here.”

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It was unmistakably Trumpian in its language and its tone. Trump and Morrissey are both clearly of the mindset that they should insult everyone they can as viciously and personally as possible and be heralded as truth-tellers but making fun of them is unethical, immoral and, if it is not illegal, then it should be. 

Morrissey seems to think the purpose of libel and slander laws, heck, the purpose of the entire legal system, should be protecting his feelings and emotions from people who have the audacity to lampoon him. 

It even ends by obsessing sourly over the supposed dwindling popularity of one of the longest running and most successful television shows of all time, grousing, “Not surprising…... that The Simpsons viewership ratings have gone down so badly over recent years.”

Oh no! Only the most transparently evil souls are punished with something like declining ratings. Morrissey should have shut the fuck up and taken the L. But if he did he wouldn’t be Morrissey. 

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Mere minutes after hurling mealy-mouthed words of criticism in The Simpsons’ bulletproof direction, Katsis was back at it again with a meta-whiny post complaining that Pitchfork and Consequence of Sound confused his whiny words for his client’s and praising Rolling Stone for calling to specify just who was making Morrissey look like a pathetic man-baby. 

That somehow STILL wasn’t enough for Peter Katsis, who took to Facebook to throw shade on Benedict Cumberbatch, the actor who voiced the Morrissey character and urgently inquire, “Why did Cumberbatch even agree to take this voice-over gig playing the Morrissey character? Could he be that hard up for cash that he would agree to bad rap another artist that harshly?” 

He goes on to wonder, “Clearly he would have read the outline or script before he took the gig. “Could (Cumberbatch) actually be as big an asshole as the people on The Simpson’s writing team?  and the FOX team? Apparently so.  Maybe he should speak up and tell his side of this. Does he even have enough balls to do that?” 

Morrissey and his manager live in a fantasy world where Morrissey is a revered figure above reproach, sacred even, rather than someone who is despised by a huge percentage of his former fanbase, myself included. 

At one point I would have taken a bullet for Morrissey. Now I can’t bear to listen to his music or look at his stupid face. I’m not sure why Morrissey’s manager through a Morrissey-style tantrum on his behalf was just what was needed to make Moz look good but Morrissey added to the shit show by braying, “You are especially despised if your music affects people in a strong and beautiful way, since music is no longer required to. In fact, the worst thing you can do in 2021 is to lend a bit of strength to the lives of others. There is no place in modern music for anyone with strong emotions … In a world obsessed with Hate Laws, there are none that protect me…free speech no longer exists.”

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Morrissey insists that free speech no longer exists but he also seems to think that making fun of him represents slander and libel and not parody, which I can personally vouch is very much protected by the first amendment. 

Morrissey should have shut the fuck up and taken The Simpsons’ mockery as the price of fame. Instead he opened his mouth, and kept opening his mouth in a way that only made a bad situation worse. 

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